


Another Day of Lies

by deannalauren95



Series: Because I'm Stardust: An Anthology of Spilled Ink [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorder, Freeverse, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Poetry, mental health, personal, spilled ink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 16:46:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15344139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deannalauren95/pseuds/deannalauren95
Summary: I'm fine, I swear.





	Another Day of Lies

There is a pain in my chest, 

A heavy, empty weight where my heart should be. 

There is ice in my bones, freezing my blood 

So all that I feel is cold. 

My skin is too tight, it pulls at my mouth, 

And my eyes, 

With unnatural fake smiles and I only hope 

No one notices they don’t look quite right. 

But somehow you do, and I insist I am fine. 

_ “Did you eat?” “No, but that’s fine. I’m not hungry.” _

You feed me anyway. 

I eat half, it’s all I can stomach. 

You stop asking why I’m sad and instead 

Let me rest my head on your shoulder, 

Your chest, your stomach. 

I hold my own hands, as if I could hold myself together that way. 

This is better, a comfortable distraction 

From the ghosts in my head. 

And I am safe and warm 

With dumb videos playing in the background silencing the ghosts. 

But then I go home 

To an empty apartment that is too big and too quiet. 

“I love you, see you tomorrow,” and the headlights disappear 

Down the road. 

The key is in the lock, my forehead against the door 

I just have to turn the key, it’s easy 

But my hands shake and my eyes burn 

And suddenly I’m scared again. 

The food you made me eat turns to lead in my stomach and 

I swallow slow to choke back the bile. 

Turn the key, lock the door again. strip off clothes, pull on pajamas. 

Safe in my blanket nest waiting, until sleep finally silences my ghosts. 

But the ghosts start to scream in my dreams, and I 

Wake with a gasp. 

My blankets a mess 

And a pounding in my chest. 

Slowly soft purring brings me back to myself, 

And I spend the rest of the night staring at the wall 

Until sunlight peaks through the blinds 

And I start to apply my armour one brushstroke at a time. 

My mask back in place, another day of lies.  _ “I’m fine. I swear.” _


End file.
